You’re desperate to settle parenting arrangements for your children, but every time you try, financial disputes pop up and derail the conversation. You’re overwhelmed, stressed, and stuck, wondering if there’s any way to focus on what really matters—your kids’ well-being. What if you could break the cycle and make real progress by creating a detailed, thoughtful parenting plan, separate from the financial chaos?

This article is designed to help you do just that. It walks you through the core components of a parenting agreement, a legally binding document that spells out how decisions about legal custody, parenting time, holidays, and required communication can work together to create stability for your children. It even provides a sample parenting plan to show the clear language that appears in an enforceable agreement. I think you’ll see how working out the details of your shared parenting can reduce conflict and help you stay focused on what matters most.

As you shift your energy from financial fights to how you’ll work together on the care and wellbeing of your children, collaborative parenting agreements can set the stage for a healthier co-parenting relationship. Rearranging your family dynamics and asking your children to adjust to this new life will take time. But by tackling the issues you can control—like creating a strong parenting plan—you not only protect them from unnecessary stress but also give yourself a calmer, clearer path forward.

Are you ready to find common ground, for your kids’ sake? Let’s dive into the core components of creating a working parenting plan.

Introduction

It takes patience and effort to iron out the particulars that will guide you in making years’ worth of decisions, large and small. But you’ll be creating a blueprint that will serve you and your children every day and head off chaos. A well-drafted parenting plan minimizes conflicts, provides stability for children, and ensures their needs are met.

Let’s look at the critical components of a comprehensive parenting plan, using a sample plan as a reference. You’ll see the information you need to provide, and you’ll get familiar with why it’s needed. Note that you don’t have to rack your brain to come up with every contingency. The sample plan will give you a solid, customizable starting point for thinking your way through what you need and want.

I. Identifying Information

The first section of a parenting plan typically includes basic identifying information about the parents and children. This includes:

• Full legal names of both parents

• Current addresses and contact information for both parents

• Full legal names and dates of birth of all children subject to the plan

Including this information is crucial for clear communication and legal purposes.

II. Jurisdiction

It is important to establish the children's home state for legal purposes. This determines which state's laws will govern custody and visitation matters. The sample plan designates the United States as where the children usually live, their “habitual residence,” and New York as their home state. It also refers to relevant legal frameworks that apply child custody such as:

• Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA) aims to prevent jurisdictional disputes between states concerning child custody.

• Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (PKPA): This federal law works in conjunction with the UCCJEA to deter parents from taking children across state lines to evade custody orders.

• Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction: This international treaty deals with cases where a child is wrongfully removed from their habitual residence to another country.

Clearly defining jurisdiction ensures that legal proceedings related to the children can be handled efficiently and effectively, particularly in cases when parents have relocated or abducted children.

III. Parental Responsibility and Decision-Making
This section outlines how parents will share legal custody and decision-making responsibilities for their children. 

1. Types of Custody

• Joint Legal Custody: Both parents have equal rights and responsibilities regarding major decisions affecting the child's life. This includes decisions about education, healthcare, religious upbringing, and extracurricular activities.

• Sole Legal Custody: One parent has the exclusive right to make major decisions for the child.

The sample plan designates joint legal custody and shared parenting time for the parents.  In most cases, as long as it does not harm the children, the Court generally approves parenting agreements proposed by the parents. However, if the parents are unable to reach an agreement, the Court most likely will step in to determine custody arrangements and establish a court-ordered parenting plan.

2. Decision-Making Process

Parenting plans should clearly define how parents make decisions, particularly when joint legal custody is awarded. The plan should specify:

• Areas requiring mutual consent: This could include major medical procedures, choice of school, and religious upbringing.

• Mechanisms for resolving disagreements: This might involve mediation, arbitration, or the appointment of a parenting coordinator.

The sample plan emphasizes that it is important for parents to collaborate in making major decisions and requires both parents’ consent  for mental health treatment. It also introduces the concept of a parenting coordinator, a neutral outside expert who can help parents navigate disagreements and reach mutually agreeable solutions.

 IV. Parenting Time Schedule

This section establishes the regular schedule for each parent's time with the children. This is often called the "parenting time" or "visitation" schedule.

1. Regular Weekday and Weekend Schedule

The plan should outline a clear and predictable schedule for weekdays and weekends. It should detail:

• Which parent has the children on specific days and nights

• Times and locations for pick-up and drop-off

• Procedures for handling schedule changes

The sample plan suggests using the school calendar as a reference point and encourages parents to discuss and resolve scheduling conflicts promptly. It also provides flexibility by allowing for schedule adjustments with sufficient notice.

2. Holiday Schedule

Holidays can be a source of contention for divorced parents. A comprehensive parenting plan should address how holidays will be shared, including:

• Major holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter

• School breaks, including winter, spring, and summer breaks

• Mother's Day and Father's Day

• Children's birthdays

 In the sample plan, you’ll see a detailed holiday schedule, specifying which parent has the children for each holiday and how extended breaks will be divided. The plan also addresses potential conflicts that can arise when the placement of holidays might send the children to one parent for two consecutive weeks in a row.

3. Transportation and Exchange

The plan should clearly define who’s responsible for transporting the children between parents, including:

• Which parent is responsible for pick-up and drop-off

• Designated exchange locations (e.g., school, a neutral location)

• Procedures for handling transportation costs

The sample plan outlines specific procedures for transportation and emphasizes the importance of punctuality and communication during exchanges.

 V. Extracurricular Activities

Will the girls play hockey? Is theater camp too expensive? Who’s going to ferry the kids to all their lessons and activities? Children's participation in extracurricular activities is important for their development, and it’s full of friction points for parents. So the parenting plan should address the following:

• How parents will decide on activities

• Who’s responsible for transportation to and from activities

• How the parents will divide costs associated with activities

• Whether parents are allowed to attend events and performances

 The sample plan requires that both parents agree on extracurricular activities and outlines how they will divide transportation responsibilities and costs.

VI. Information Sharing

With the household split in two, open communication between parents is crucial for effective co-parenting. The plan should address:

• Who should have access to school and medical records

• How information about the children's well-being should be shared

• Who should be contacted in an emergency

• What procedures parents will use to keep contact information updated

The sample plan emphasizes the importance of information sharing and grants both parents equal access to school and medical records. It also encourages open communication regarding the children's educational, emotional, and social progress.

VII. Communication

Establishing clear communication protocols helps reduce conflict. The plan should spell out:

• Preferred methods of communication (e.g., phone, email, co-parenting app)

• Guidelines for respectful and productive communication between the parents

• Guidelines for communication between children and parents

It should also protect the children by prohibiting the parents from using them to carry messages from one parent to the other.

The sample plan encourages using a co-parenting app for communication and allows text messaging for time-sensitive issues. It also establishes guidelines for appropriate communication between children and parents and ensures both parents can access their children.

VIII. Child Care

If parents require childcare while the children are in their care, the plan should outline:

• How childcare providers will be chosen

• Responsibilities for payment of childcare costs

The sample plan grants each parent the autonomy to choose childcare providers during their parenting time and be solely responsible for the costs.

IX. Education

The plan should address decisions related to the children's education, including:

• Choice of school (public, private, or homeschooling)

• Responsibilities for school-related costs

• Involvement in school activities and decision-making

 The language in the sample plan specifies the school the children will attend through middle school and outlines a procedure for deciding on high school, considering potential preferences for private schools. It addresses the financial responsibilities associated with these choices, particularly when one parent opts for a more expensive private school option.

X. Relocation

A parent’s decision to relocate can significantly impact parenting time arrangements. The plan should address:

• Procedures for notifying the other parent about a proposed relocation

• Conditions under which relocation may be permitted

• How parenting time will be adjusted in case of relocation

 The sample plan designates Brooklyn, New York, as the children's primary residence and requires mutual agreement or a court order for any relocation outside Brooklyn. This provision safeguards the children's stability and ensures both parents have a say in decisions that could significantly impact their relationship with the children.

 XI. Changes or Modifications

Life circumstances change, and you may need to modify parenting plans over time. The plan should include:

• Procedures for making temporary changes to the schedule

• Process for seeking permanent modifications through the court

 The sample plan allows for informal, temporary changes but requires court intervention for substantial modifications. This ensures that any changes are made with the children's best interests in mind.

 XII. Dispute Resolution

Disagreements between parents are inevitable. The plan should outline a process for resolving disputes. It should:

• Encourage cooperative resolution

• Describe how alternative dispute resolution methods (e.g., mediation, parent coordination) might be used

• Outline procedures for seeking court intervention if necessary

The sample plan promotes cooperative dispute resolution and encourages the use of parent coordination, parenting counselors, or mediation before resorting to legal action.

XIII. General Provisions and Legal Formalization

The final section of the parenting plan typically includes:

• Statements acknowledging the binding nature of the agreement

• Signatures of both parents and their attorneys (if applicable)

• A statement acknowledging that each parent and their attorney  (not just notary) knows what’s in the plan, to make the agreement legally enforceable

• Provisions for incorporating the plan into a court order

The language in the sample plan emphasizes the legal weight of the document and ensures it complies with the requirements for enforceability as a marital settlement agreement.

Conclusion

A comprehensive parenting plan is vital for ensuring the well-being of children after divorce. By addressing key areas such as custody, parenting time, decision-making, communication, and dispute resolution, parents can create a stable and nurturing environment for their children as they navigate the challenges of family transitions. While the specific details of each plan will vary depending on individual circumstances, it’s essential to put the children's best interests first and foster open communication between parents if you want to co-parent successfully. Remember, a well-crafted parenting plan is not just a legal document. It’s a roadmap for a healthy and supportive co-parenting relationship that benefits both children and parents in the long run.

Notes:

• Please note that a parenting plan with this level of detail is not required, but it may be a good idea to have one in place. If not, you may open yourself to future issues down the road.

• An agreement is only as good as the people who enter into it, and if you have a very unruly parent and are in an opponent-type relationship, it may not be possible to work out these issues without resorting to a professional, such as a child specialist.

Click here for the sample parenting plan.