Four Common Divorce Attorney Tactics (2020)
Recently, I wrote an article about divorce attorney tactics, where I go into few basic attorney styles and tactics that I commonly see, and coach you—or anyone caught in a high-conflict divorce—about what’s going on, and how to respond.
Each type of attorney—the Brawler, Boxer, Top Dog and Swarmer—has a different goal, a different end game and a different hidden agenda, and I talked about what those are for the Swarmer, but not the rest.
One reader asked if I would go back and describe the others in more detail, so in this newsletter, I’ll do that, after first giving you a quick refresher on each of the basic types.
In this list, you’ll see the attorneys your spouse is likely to enlist and also learn to recognize a type who’s aligned with your goals. When you understanding what each of these groups is trying to do, it’s easier to make sense of the bigger game they’re trying to draw you into, and avoid the pitfalls.
Tactic No. 1: Swarmers (The Pressure Cooker)
What is a Swarmer? A divorce attorney who’s a Swarmer applies constant pressure. Swarmer’s believe that the best defense is a good offense. And their offense of choice is “death by a thousand cuts.” When your ex’s attorney is a Swarmer, they’ll try to slowly impeach your credibility by raising to the judge every imaginable issue. They will also fight every issue in an effort to overwhelm you.
The Swarmer’s goal. To ask for the sun, moon and stars, beat you up for years over non-issues, and force you to needlessly spend money on litigation over those non-issues—billing for a lot of time in the process.
The Swarmer’s end game. The Swarmer keeps litigation dragging on, but doesn’t actually have a case. Those thousand paper-cut issues don’t add up to a victory for the client (your ex), so after ramping up fees, the Swarmer eventually settles at a reasonable or just about reasonable level if they haven’t exhausted you first and made you give in.
What the Swarmer doesn’t want you to know. The Swarmer’s strategy is strong evidence that your case is a persuasive. The Swarmer is focused on the time the six-year-old crossed the street without supervision because she doesn’t have anything better, while you may have a knockout punch or two.
Tactic No. 2: Brawler (One-Punch Knockout Artists)
What is a Brawler? Brawlers, unlike Swarmers, have more than “paper cut” jabs—they are armed with an issue that can knock you out with one punch!
The Brawler’s goal. To set a trap (the knockout punch) that is hard for you to recover from, even if the trap is not directly related to the contested issues before the Court.
The Brawler’s end game. To have you agree to your spouse’s demands through fear and shame tactics.
What the Brawler doesn’t want you to know. If the Brawler has the goods on you on an issue that is directly related to the contested issues before the Court, such as you are not paying for your share of education expenses but want to be primary custodial parent, it may be helpful to think about settlement options early in the process.
But if the Brawler has goods on you concerning an incident or topic that is only indirectly related to the contested issues before the Court (ex, your polarizing political views) then, the case is really all about reframing the issues before the Court so that the Court is more persuaded by your framing of the real issues of the divorce rather than distracted by the character assassination sideshow.
The Boxers (‘Winning on Points’)
What is a Boxer? This style of attorney adheres to the legal equivalent of the Hippocratic Oath: First do no harm. Boxers focus not on tearing the other side down with a barrage of small issues or looking for that one-punch knockout like the Swarmer or Brawler, but on building an airtight defense. Elite levels of the form use devastating counterpunching as their offense by creating a counter-theme to the other side’s attacks that is as strong as the attack itself.
The Boxer’s goal. Efficient resolution of divorces. Using only as much of the budget (time, energy, money, emotion) as necessary to achieve goals that are important to a client’s long-term post-divorce life. This is the attorney you most want on your team as you face the resource-depleting tactics of Swarmers and Brawlers, or the intimidation of a Top Dog (see next category).
The Boxer’s end game. Helping clients move on with their lives without having unnecessary battle scars or budget busting divorces.
What the Boxer doesn’t want you to know. That they’re more interested in winning than impressing someone with razzle-dazzle (even you). Since Boxers are primarily focused on defense, theirs is not a flashy style to observe. You may feel you want your Boxer type attorney to be more aggressive (throw more punches) because you believe that that’s how you win the divorce game. But the Boxer is a strategist who packs energy into select moves that can damage the other side, and doesn’t waste resources on an ineffective barrage of activity. If you have a Boxer type of attorney, and you think you want a more aggressive style, have a talk about tactics and strategy, and be sure you understand what’s behind the calculated response you’re seeing. Be very clear about the likely costs of letting go of this trusted advisor. The Boxer will keep you focused on what’s in your control, and on getting results, not meaningless hits of ego gratification or revenge.
Hiring a Top Dog (“Mutant Beasts”)
What is a Top Dog? Top Dogs are expensive ($1000+ an hour in NYC in 2020), elite attorneys who have the defensive capability of the Boxer coupled with the punching power of the Brawler and the Swarmer’s ability to apply unrelenting pressure. Lawyering as big business is the name of the game with these toughies.
The Top Dog’s goal. Make things that should be easy difficult to increase the budget (time, energy, emotion, money) and decrease the other side’s willingness to engage with them.
The Top Dog’s end game. Achieve client’s objectives even if the “cost” of achieving the client’s objectives outweigh the “benefit.”
What the Top Dog doesn’t want you to know. Realize that Top Dogs lose interest quickly if the “meal” is uninspiring. So even if your spouse hired a Top Dog as their attorney, unless your divorce is one of the biggest cases in the office, your spouse will be primarily represented by a pale version of the Top Dog, such as a mid-tier associate. That person may believe that they are Top Dog by proxy, but as any back-up singer knows, standing 20 feet from a star does not mean you have achieved stardom. In effect, your spouse has been seduced into a budget-busting divorce without even understanding that once the retainer is signed, face time with the Top Dog will be infrequent at best. You have more power than you think in this scenario; the pseudo-Top Dog is generally an easy match for a Boxer.
Even if the Top Dog is in beast mode, focused on its “prey” (you), you could still avoid a mauling if you have retained a highly competent if not flashy attorney, your Boxer. You and your attorney will have to roll up your sleeves and do the work that is necessary (3 three Ps, prepare, prepare and prepare) for the battling so when the time comes you will have armed yourself with the “mace” necessary to survive if not thrive.
