“Top Gun: Maverick” premiered in theaters this past weekend, 36 years after the original film from 1986. 

In the updated version, Maverick finds himself back at the elite fighter training school, teaching a class of recent top graduates for a specialized mission. 

When we first see the young pilots in a bar scene, they are focused on their individual goals of being the best of the best for this mission.  

After Maverick out “dogfights” each of the young pilots in the air, he realizes that they must learn to work together if they are going to succeed in their mission. He decides to give them a break and take them to the beach for team-building. 

When Maverick’s commanding officer finally catches up with him and sees the young pilots playing beach football rather than training for the upcoming mission, he’s incredulous. But Maverick looks over at his students celebrating together and says, "You said to create a team, sir. Here's your team.” 

It’s not an obvious place to start, but if they’re to be successful, it’s the only place to start.

When dealing with divorce, most people concentrate on individual goals. 

When people get divorced, they often focus solely on their individual goals, things like obtaining sole custody or requesting a certain amount of maintenance. 

When these parties' goals are important enough, and when they have exhausted their other options, they will go to court in a battle of attrition. 

If the parties are lucky enough to get a wise judge, they can be directed to mediation where they will work out their issues with a professional trained in high conflict communications. 

The only problem with this approach is that parties need to work collaboratively with both of their attorneys to make the process work. If one attorney does not embrace the process, then it will be an exercise in futility and the parties will once again be headed toward litigation. 

For a traditional divorce to be successful, there are two miracles required. 

In "Maverick", two consecutive miracles were required for the mission to succeed - flying low to the ground and hitting a target twice.

The two miracles that people need for divorces that go to court are a wise judge and lawyers who are 100% committed to working together for the best interest of the family.  

If there’s no wise judge presiding over the divorce, then the case may feel as though it never will be resolved. It happens so often that I presume there is an unwritten policy from the court that most parties will move on with their lives after enough time has passed languishing in the court system. If the court moves slowly enough, the reasoning seems to go, parties will see settling as their best option.

If the attorneys are not fully committed to working out what is best for the family unit and not just their client’s short-term objectives, then there is not much incentive for the attorneys to resolve the divorce without “winning.” That may drain their clients’ resources, but that’s not those lawyers’ concern.

Collaborative divorce ensures that spouses work as a team during their divorce. 

Collaborative divorce is a commitment to teamwork, where the parties work together to find mutually agreeable solutions. 

People who choose to divorce by collaborating know that there will be challenges ahead of them. That they need support as they navigate through their emotions and make difficult decisions.  

People who go through collaborative divorce also know that when they assemble a team of professionals with years of experience—a financial adviser, a psychologist, a specialist in custody issues—whatever specialists you like that can get through even the most challenging divorces. 

In collaborative divorce, seeds are planted that enable parties to grow at their own pace. In this sense, collaborative divorces are like therapy sessions enabling the parties to consider alternatives and work out their issues outside of the formal sessions. 

With these seeds, for example, an alcohol-addicted spouse may be able to finally ask for help, rather than being dragged through mud and vilified in court, thereby denying them access to their children, which may set the family on a warpath from which they may never recover. 

In collaborative divorce, teamwork is the secret sauce for mission success. It’s no football game on the beach, but it’s a proven path to turning fruitless battles into lasting wins for both sides.