The Best Money You'll Spend in a Divorce is on Your First Lawyer Consultation.
Divorce isn’t easy. It will confront you with your darkest fears and emotions, and it can be a long, costly process. It makes all the difference to step into it with a trusted advisor at your side.
That’s why best money you’ll ever spend on a divorce will be for an initial consultation with a lawyer. That first meeting, which will probably last just an hour, will give you an overview of what’s coming, what a solid, realistic outcome can look like for you, and what it will take to achieve it.
In my office, we call that consultation a strategy session, because it lays the foundation for all the strategy to come. We establish a clear understanding of what you need and what’s most important to you in the divorce. As we do that, we also begin to establish an effective working relationship that will allow us to reinforce each other’s efforts throughout the divorce process.
The goal of a good consultation, one based in reality and achievable results, is to get the potential client well grounded. That often means that a good lawyer, one who’s looking to be your trusted adviser, will push back against unrealistic expectations, extremely polarized positions and revenge fantasies.
The focus will be on explaining what you should know going in and how you should be approaching your case. You’ll begin to hear about how you can best prepare emotionally and practically, and what you can do make the most of your time, money and emotional reserves at a difficult, gut-wrenching time.
In bad consultations, the kind that are motivated by an unscrupulous lawyer's financial self-interest or desire to get your business, clients are allowed, even encouraged, to inflate their expectations and pay the unnecessary legal fees that go with chasing them. Emotion-driven demands will probably go unchallenged, and you may hear tough talk about blazing in with aggressive tactics that are unlikely to do much more than drain your resources.
It's crucial to make a connection with a lawyer you like and trust, and by observing how someone walks you through the facts of your case, asks questions and answers yours, you should come away with a good sense of whether you’ve found the trustworthy counselor and guide you need.
Abraham Lincoln said that if he was going to spend 6 hours cutting down a tree, he would spend four hours sharpening the axe.
Think of your consultation as sharpening the axe.
A consultation is essential for a successful divorce because it:
Provides a Reality Check
An experienced attorney can help you set realistic expectations and goals, preventing you from chasing unrealistic outcomes or paying unnecessary legal fees.
Uncovers Hidden Issues
During a consultation, your attorney can delve deeper into your case, identifying potential legal or financial problems that you may not have considered.
Builds A Foundation for Collaboration
A good consultation allows you and your attorney to establish a clear understanding of your needs and objectives, laying the groundwork for an effective working relationship.
If you want to hear more about why an initial consultation is valuable, listen to an excerpt of a conversation I had recently with Ron Bavero, author of the entertaining and informative book about divorce, An Elephant Doesn’t Marry A Giraffe.
He had plenty to share, including these four tips for making the most of your consultation:
Pay attention to the way the lawyer explains the components of the divorce process. Are they clear about how you and your spouse will divide your assets, how you’ll handle child and spousal support issues, and what your options are for child custody? How clear are they about how they’ll address any issues of domestic violence?
Ask what will happen if you can’t reach a settlement in the case and need to go to trial. Some attorneys will turn a case over to a new lawyer, a trial counsel, which can escalate your costs. You don’t want to be surprised years into the case.
Use your B.S. detector. It’s great to be agreed with, but what you want in a trusted adviser is someone who won’t sugarcoat the truth to make you feel better. You’ll save time, money and heartache if you start out with an experienced professional’s straight-up assessment of your case.
Get a sense of the human you’re dealing with. Yes, you want a competent, experienced professional. But more than anything else, it’s crucial to choose a someone you like and trust.
You can hear a clip from our conversation or watch the whole thing on YouTube below.